Worrying Thoughts (at least I know about them now)
Well I hadn't really intended on writing anything today but I had a rather strange, enlightening and worrisome conversation with Stephen tonight which I feel I have to make a note of to refer back to later..Maybe at sometime in the future I'll find just where he got these ideas from.
Anyway out of the blue tonight Stephen said he didn't think his life would go anywhere. I kid you not those were his words! I was immediately confused and worried at the same time. Pressing as gently as possible I asked what he meant. The gist of it was he doesn't think he'll have enough money for a job(think he was a bit confused on this issue) or a house or even a caravan. After I explained about the job getting you the money he said he didn't think he would want any of the jobs and he won't be any good at university either he said. I told him he didn't have to go to university and I was sure there would be something he would like to do in the future. I told him he could live with me for a long time and not to worry as he had many years of school/learning ahead and nobody knows what will happen in the future. At one point I clarified the caravan issue for myself I asked we don't have one and we're all right(ish) why would you need a caravan he said cause he wouldn't have a house maybe he could have a caravan but he wouldn't be able to have money for that either. He also spoke of not having a girl friend when older and not having children as you need girls to have babies.
I'm really knocked for six I've been racking my brains as to where this has all come from. I asked if it was because he had a autistic spectrum disorder but he said no though he did mention the word disabled while he was talking before but he was going so fast and was mumbling as he was becoming more upset so I'm not sure in what context 'disabled' came up.
Have I said or done something to make him think like this? Has school been doing some weird project about the future? Has anyone anywhere said anything at any time to make him think these thoughts at 7yrs 1 month old almost?! I asked variations of these to him but he said no then he spoke about being psychic because sometime in the past apparently I had spoke of evolution making us all psychic eventually (I can't remember this but Stephen clearly does) because of this I asked if he had daydreamed about the future and thought it was a premonition or anything like that , he said no but he thought he would be psychic at university.
It's bewildering, it's not the first and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last bewildering statement/question/comment he has made, just hope I can get better at working out where/why he says these things and help him work through his feelings when it is particularly upsetting thoughts like these. He was almost in tears 3 or 4 times whilst telling me these things and at first I was so surprised I thought he was joking but I realise now just how serious he was and I've surely got to do something about it but without making it worse.
The only thing I can think to do is to show him all the amazing things people with autistic spectrum disorders have done and carry on telling him how wonderful he is each and everyday. He knows about ASD and he has known he has a diagnosis of it for about the last year or so...It was recommended to me to tell him about it by the autistic outreach teacher and so I told him and I got a little book made explicitly to explain to kids with aspergers or high functioning autism about there diagnosis - he has read it several times. Whenever the topic comes up he says he doesn't think he does have it so I didn't think it was so much of a problem for him in terms of how he felt about it all but now I'm thinking he must be feeling really bad about himself and though I thought I had been careful especially giving school hell if they 'punished' him for something he can't help, about his self esteem I think I've failed miserably and will have to get a new game plan.
It is one of my worst fears - his mental well being - aspies and HFA kids are so prone to depression from what I've read and it's always in my mind except when I'm having my own meltdowns occasionally and shouting like a banshee at him (I'm very bad:().
One positive is now I know about how he is feeling I can deal with it hopefully. I just wonder how long he's felt this way, could be a new thought to him hopefully it is and it can be challenged quickly. Could be he's forgotten it all tomorrow, he was much cheerier by the time I eventually got him to bed. Oh well I've got a 'well meaning' family support working coming to discuss doing parenting lesson type stuff with me tomorrow I'll ask how she'd tackle this? I'm reluctant to do the course with her as I'm not sure it will be guided towards a child like mine or just general discipline boundary rubbish I know/have tried already but that's what she's coming to discuss so we'll see!
Anyway out of the blue tonight Stephen said he didn't think his life would go anywhere. I kid you not those were his words! I was immediately confused and worried at the same time. Pressing as gently as possible I asked what he meant. The gist of it was he doesn't think he'll have enough money for a job(think he was a bit confused on this issue) or a house or even a caravan. After I explained about the job getting you the money he said he didn't think he would want any of the jobs and he won't be any good at university either he said. I told him he didn't have to go to university and I was sure there would be something he would like to do in the future. I told him he could live with me for a long time and not to worry as he had many years of school/learning ahead and nobody knows what will happen in the future. At one point I clarified the caravan issue for myself I asked we don't have one and we're all right(ish) why would you need a caravan he said cause he wouldn't have a house maybe he could have a caravan but he wouldn't be able to have money for that either. He also spoke of not having a girl friend when older and not having children as you need girls to have babies.
I'm really knocked for six I've been racking my brains as to where this has all come from. I asked if it was because he had a autistic spectrum disorder but he said no though he did mention the word disabled while he was talking before but he was going so fast and was mumbling as he was becoming more upset so I'm not sure in what context 'disabled' came up.
Have I said or done something to make him think like this? Has school been doing some weird project about the future? Has anyone anywhere said anything at any time to make him think these thoughts at 7yrs 1 month old almost?! I asked variations of these to him but he said no then he spoke about being psychic because sometime in the past apparently I had spoke of evolution making us all psychic eventually (I can't remember this but Stephen clearly does) because of this I asked if he had daydreamed about the future and thought it was a premonition or anything like that , he said no but he thought he would be psychic at university.
It's bewildering, it's not the first and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last bewildering statement/question/comment he has made, just hope I can get better at working out where/why he says these things and help him work through his feelings when it is particularly upsetting thoughts like these. He was almost in tears 3 or 4 times whilst telling me these things and at first I was so surprised I thought he was joking but I realise now just how serious he was and I've surely got to do something about it but without making it worse.
The only thing I can think to do is to show him all the amazing things people with autistic spectrum disorders have done and carry on telling him how wonderful he is each and everyday. He knows about ASD and he has known he has a diagnosis of it for about the last year or so...It was recommended to me to tell him about it by the autistic outreach teacher and so I told him and I got a little book made explicitly to explain to kids with aspergers or high functioning autism about there diagnosis - he has read it several times. Whenever the topic comes up he says he doesn't think he does have it so I didn't think it was so much of a problem for him in terms of how he felt about it all but now I'm thinking he must be feeling really bad about himself and though I thought I had been careful especially giving school hell if they 'punished' him for something he can't help, about his self esteem I think I've failed miserably and will have to get a new game plan.
It is one of my worst fears - his mental well being - aspies and HFA kids are so prone to depression from what I've read and it's always in my mind except when I'm having my own meltdowns occasionally and shouting like a banshee at him (I'm very bad:().
One positive is now I know about how he is feeling I can deal with it hopefully. I just wonder how long he's felt this way, could be a new thought to him hopefully it is and it can be challenged quickly. Could be he's forgotten it all tomorrow, he was much cheerier by the time I eventually got him to bed. Oh well I've got a 'well meaning' family support working coming to discuss doing parenting lesson type stuff with me tomorrow I'll ask how she'd tackle this? I'm reluctant to do the course with her as I'm not sure it will be guided towards a child like mine or just general discipline boundary rubbish I know/have tried already but that's what she's coming to discuss so we'll see!
posted by Bramblebrae at
11:09 PM
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